Stop Your Kids’ Bickering in 1 Easy Step
How to Stop the Bickering
As many of you know, I come from a very close family. My brother is my best friend – and has been since I arrived in the world 14 months after his debut. My sister is someone I couldn’t live without if I tried…there is truly no one like her and I love living life with her. My mom is amazing, and though she always makes us acknowledge that she’s not perfect, she really is one of the best humans in the world. A great mother and friend.
How’d We Become Being Best Friends?
Now I don’t have any kids yet, but many of my friends do. And one asked me just the other day, how my mom got us all to get along. I thought about it for a second, and gave the only answer I could; “I don’t know really. My parents told us we weren’t allowed to not be best friends…and we believed them. When we finally realized it was a made-up rule, it was too late; we’d already decided that we liked each other.”
I Was Absolutely No Help
Granted, that was no help to my friend whose wonderful children have started the summertime you’re-around-all-the-time-so-much-we-must-pick-at-each-other bickering that happens to everyone this time of year. I felt bad, but didn’t know what to say. I was absolutely no help in answering this very important question: How do you stop your kids’ bickering?
Had to Ask Mom
But thankfully, I had someone to ask. Every Friday, Mom and I go to the gym together. It’s such a great chance to get in rhythm, catch up on life, and pick each others’ brains for new ideas and solutions. So I asked Mom – “How did you stop us from bickering when we were kids?” Her answer floored me.
Mom’s Way to Stop Bickering
“When you guys would fight, or pick at each other, or get frustrated, I’d make you stop and tell me 10 things you liked about your brother or sister before you were allowed to do anything else. You couldn’t say things like ‘she’s pretty’ or list things you didn’t actually like. They had to be things like ‘she’s nice to me’ or ‘he helped me with my math questions yesterday’ or ‘she made me banana bread’ or ‘he let me pick the movie on Saturday.’ By the time you got through 10 things you liked about the other person, you were totally distracted from fighting. You usually couldn’t even remember what you were bickering about.”
Stop Your Kids’ Bickering by Helping them Like Each Other
The key wasn’t to just stop the fighting…breaking up fights isn’t a long-lasting solution. Mom and Dad just end up playing referee all summer. The solution was helping each of us learn to actually like each other, and appreciate each other. It was so simple, and brilliant honestly. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it to tell my friend…but I remember it now. It was such a ninja mind trick, and it totally worked.
Friends For Life
So if your little ones (or not-so-little teenagers) are fighting, picking, or aggravating each other – try the 10 things exercise. It certainly worked on me (Mom, you ninja!). I’d love to hear how it goes in your house (email me). Anything you can do to cultivate genuine appreciation in your kids for one another will pay dividends for decades.