Lost In Personal Development
I’d Had Enough of “Personal Development”
“I am sick of personal development, it is positively endless, oh my gosh! And don’t get me started on the topic of leadership. There are like eight million leadership books published every year.”
It was about four o’clock in the afternoon and my two buddies and I were making the drive through the Andes Mountains between Santiago, Chile and the fertile vineyards of Mendoza, Argentina.
“There is so much to learn and practice every day, I feel like I am doomed to end up like the rest of the hope filled shmucks quitting on their resolution less than two weeks into the New Year. How can a billion dollar industry help so few people live better lives?”
It could have been the lop-sided suntan I was getting through the car window that was bringing on this particular barrage of frustration.
“Why can’t there just be one thing we can focus on instead of an entire book case, that would help us be great leaders, successful, and happy?”
I thought back a few weeks to our southwest Florida headquarters, also known as Mom’s kitchen Table. We have office space where we meet with coaching and consulting clients, but all the real work gets done at Mom’s place.
“What do you want Nick?” My mom, Jeane, asked. I told her “I want to be happy, I want to enjoy the work I do helping people solve people-problems, I want to do what other people can’t, I want to keep making financial progress so I can do more to help people in need around the world, and have ridiculous amounts of fun with family and friends.” My mom looked up and said, “It sounds like you want to Thrive.”
THRIVE
That was it. One word. Thrive. But how do you do it? Thriving is an unfamiliar language to the majority of people around the world. How do you simply – thrive?
The words were jumbling in my head as I stepped out of the car in Argentina, the dust and gravel beneath my feet made that sound you hear on western radio dramas, minus the spurs. We found ourselves at a petrol station totally unprepared to live in the “off the grid” world we had intentionally gone into- we didn’t speak the language, have the right currency, or sim cards that would connect us to get the help we needed.
This is the same trap most people fall into when they see a great book or personal development program that paints a picture of a world they genuinely want to reach in 15 steps or less – improved health, financial freedom, help for depression, better family relationships, or reduced stress and anger. So they try to take the map to this new destination for their life yet when we get there they do not speak the language or have the currency to stay and enjoy their destination. It’s stressful because they don’t know how to cope in this new reality and they turn around and go home to their old life, where they will resume beating their head against the wall.
Not More Information
Most people already know what they need to do and are frustrated they haven’t done it yet. As Megan Hendrix says, “People do not need information they need transformation.” As we humans, “evolved” we began to do everything backwards, losing touch with our internal programming language to adjust to the demands of our new world. When work or life gets hard, we put our nose to the grind stone and work harder as opposed to refreshing our soul with the company or help of friends; when we feel sad or frustrated we reach for a bottle instead of a great book, a hug, or laugh. Understanding our original programming language allows your mind, body, and soul to function as designed at the highest level. We call this level THRIVING.
A Thriving Leader Gets the Best out of People
Thriving provides the pathway to highly effective leadership of yourself and others. A person can lead without thriving, however their leadership often squanders the greatest asset of any family, team or organization – human potential.
We are certainly not the first team nor will we be the last to codify thriving, however every message needs a messenger. Your greatest achievements, joys, happiness, and significance as a leader will be achieved by focusing on thriving for yourself and for those around you. When people thrive, extraordinary things begin to happen. Things like walking in your underwear through your own private vineyard, owning multi-million dollar businesses, and working alongside the greatest friends in the world doing what you love.
Find Your Way to Thriving:
Positive Relationships:
Building positive relationship is not a waste of time or money. It doesn’t make you “soft” or lessen the impact of your authority when you need to lead. In fact, the studies from leading universities indicate that more than 85% of your success in life and your career are not connected to working hard, education, or pedigree. Rather, it is your ability to build meaningful relationships and connect with other people that determines your success.
Positive Emotions:
You must feed your positive emotions, otherwise your body mind and spirit will lose their resilience, creativity, and ability to create positive change. Life is not a Rocky movie, and you do not get extra points for gutting it out. At Harvard University they found the small percent of students who performed significantly above the curve were not secluded in the library, skipping meals and sleep to cram for the examine. They were connecting with their friends, making time for fun, and engaging in activity that created positive emotion. The quickest way to build positive emotion is to do something for someone else, your body mind and soul will respond instantly. I love to drive to the beach, walk through my neighborhood listening to comedy, or picking up a friend to do something they love, just acting like a big goofball.
Achievement:
We are designed to achieve and create. That’s why most goal setting or achievement related programs encourage you to think big but start small, breaking your goal into manageable chunks. Continual achievement creates the thriving momentum necessary to push through to victory as a whole. People who thrive divide and conquer, but not to the exclusion of their other five core human needs. Leaders who recognize and support achievements fuel the engagement of their teams.
Meaning:
In a world where global work disengagement is near 87%, people have lost sight of how the work they do, accomplishes anything that matters. As author Brendon Burchard says, at the end of our life we will ask ourselves three questions, “Did we live, did we love, and did we mater.” Finding meaning in your daily life and routine will re-energize your life. What are you doing that really matters? Doesn’t need to be charity, it just needs to matter to you.
Strengths:
Are you using or ignoring your strengths? I am a great listener and problem solver. This makes me phenomenal at particular types of customer care, yet I whither around people who are unwilling to be happy. So I don’t let my strength of listening draw me to become buried under certain people at home or at work. The reality is that most of us are working in areas of weakness. Weakness zones can usually be quickly identified. Where is your stress, tension, and feeling of emotional redlining? That’s not your strength zone. Do something else, try something else, or get some help.
Even if You’re Stranded in the Andes Mountains
There are a million ways to make a million dollars, find happiness, and inner peace. To really live. But the fact is, if you focus on your five fundamental human needs you will be fueling an enduring flame. A flame that thrives in great times and shines the way down difficult roads…even roads that leave you stranded in the Andes Mountains.