It Happened Right In Front of Me...

I was sitting at the clubhouse pool enjoying my book, when a family with three young children descended with bags, floats, and a cooler full of treats. Mom lathered the kids in sunblock, Dad blew up the floats and the beach ball, and they all jumped in. Everything was going great...for about 30 seconds.

As a mom with grown kids, I enjoy watching young families play and have fun together. It reminds me of so many fun times when my kids were younger. And I don’t mind children being loud – that’s just part of playing.

But I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. Within seconds of getting in the water, the 12-year-old called the 7-year-old a name that I won’t repeat. The 7-year-old squirted his drink in the 12-year-old's eyes, causing another round of profanities, and then swam over to his little sister and grabbed the beach ball from her. (Classic move of transferring hostility to someone smaller than you!) That’s when Dad got involved and I immediately knew why the 12-year-old had such a refined vocabulary! I knew the ages of the kids because I heard the mother continually remind them of how old they were…as if knowing their age would somehow make them behave better!

He-Said, She-Said

Over the next 15 minutes, which is as long as I could stand, I heard a round of

“It’s not his turn!”

“She always gets the strawberry one!”

“He’s lying!”

“No one ever listens to me!”

“If you don’t stop it we’re going home!”

and the classic….“I’m telling you for the last time!”

Oh, precious memories! Now if you have kids of your own, you can imagine the scene with me. And if we’re honest, we’ve all had a few days like this we’d like to erase.

No matter how much money and energy we expend creating the perfect summer experiences with our family, it can all unravel quickly when anyone thinks they are being ignored, or misunderstood.

Bird’s Eye View of the Catastrophe

With a bird’s eye view of this catastrophe, I had the villains and the heroes all picked out. But Mom was in the water close to the 7-year-old and saw that he had knocked his brother’s phone in the pool! I had missed that tidbit. But Dad was closer to the sister and saw her take the beach ball from the 7-year-old while he was trying to rescue the phone.

Each parent had their own interpretation of the events, both different from mine, and definitely different from their kids. We each had a different perspective.

Marcus Aurelius said “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

If you've ever been in an automobile accident, you know that each eyewitness has a different perspective. They'll take an oath in court and tell what they saw – and it can sometimes be vastly different than the other witnesses. Everyone can be telling the truth because they each have their own perspective.

A Magical Toy to Save Your Summer

What if each person in your family had a toyto help them understand that it’s normal for people to see things differently and that each person’s viewpoint counts? And what if this simple toy could help even the youngest family member express their opinion in a respectful and respected way?

The good news is that this magical toy is probably something you have in your garage or backyard! It’s a beach ball! Believe it or not, you can use it this summer to improve your family’s communication skills and strengthen your relationships.

We learned about this from one of our mentors who uses it with his corporate clients, because, as you know, it’s not just kids who think they’re always right. It seems to be a human flaw.

Here’s How to Use This Powerful Toy:

Get a beach ball that’s divided into 6 different color wedges. Ask one family member to hold the ball in front of them with the colors in a vertical line and tell everyone else to stand on the other side of the beach ball. Have the person holding the ball to tell everyone what colors they see on their side of the beach ball, then ask the members on the other side of the ball to report which colors they see. Of course, each side will see 3 different colors, so ask them who is right? Point out that each person is right, even though they disagree, because they each have a different perspective.

Then have the person holding the beach ball tip the ball toward the other members of the family so they can see the entire top half of the ball. This is the powerful moment...the moment when people see that everyone was right...that the beach ball has ALL 6 colors.

From My Side of the Beach Ball

“From my side of the beach ball,” is the golden phrase each family member can use when they want to share their viewpoint or feel like they’re misunderstood. That seemingly simple word picture is another way of saying – “I care about you and respect your perspective – please care about me and respect my perspective.” It’s a great way to diffuse tension in the moment and create a safe way for each person to express themselves.

This simple word picture of the beach ball has been a life-saver in so many companies, especially our own. As you can imagine, in a family business, there are many opportunities every single day to mess up, not only our working relationships, but also our personal relationships.

Working with this common image of the beach ball and being able to share our own perspective by saying, “From my side of the beach ball,” lets us have a way to bring up issues that concern us and lets everyone weigh in from their viewpoint. When one of us begins a sentence with, “From my side of the beach ball,” we know that what’s coming next is an opinion, not an attack. This little saying is also a reminder that we desperately need each other’s varying perspectives, because we only can ever see half of the ball at any one time.

“From my side of the beach ball” is a phrase that can take your family beyond conflict resolution to true connection. I hope this simple toy can empower your family as much as it has empowered ours!

I hope your family has a “ball” this summer! (That was corny…even for me!)

Article originally published, July 8, 2016.