Sneaky Growth Traps

This month I want to cover some of the growth traps that munch us. They're habits, behaviors, and mindsets that sneak into our lives, and limit or prevent growth. They do this while giving us a false sense of permission, safety, stability, or truth. They're tricky like that.

One Growth Trap that gives a false sense of permission, is Self-Dismissive Labeling. We'll cover that in today's blog. There are dozens of ways we trick ourselves into thinking we're making progress by doing or allowing something that accomplishes the opposite. We'll cover some more of them in the weeks to come.

Self-Dismissive Labeling: Permission to Stay Stuck

Sometimes our self talk is rough. But even when we're not directly criticizing ourselves or belittling ourselves, we paint ourselves into corners with self-limiting labels. When we put limits on ourselves, it doesn't always sound bad. We can jazz up the label with humor, vagueness, or socially validated identities.

If we feel out of our depth navigating nature, we're "indoorsy" or feel we didn't follow the accepted educational path, "I'm more street smart."

But not only do these labels impact our view of ourselves, they have a powerful impact on our expectations for growth.

If we think we have low aptitude, it’s normal human self-preservation to reduce our expectations of growth in that area. We might say “I’m not a very athletic person” or “I’m not very emotional.” 

This gets even worse when we see certain traits as being part of a personality, or natural talent. This is what happens when we think some people are born intelligent, or naturally spiritual. Your brain is actively working to limit your disappointments, to eliminate uncertainty. Part of how it does this is by coming to premature conclusions about what we’re capable of. If we expect to be able to grow but fail instead, that can cause disappointment.

REALITY: The human brain is a risk-mitigating, failure-avoiding machine.

PROBLEM: This works directly against the natural grain of personal growth.

If risk, change, and uncertainty are eliminated, so is change. So are many of the powerful rewards that follow mindful risk taking.

What are your self-dismissive labels? 

I don’t ask whether you have them or not because we all do. This seems to be a natural part of the human experience. 

So what are yours?

Take Action: Note Your Self-Dismissive Labels.

If you were to write them down (use a pencil if if pen feels scary, but actually jotting them out is a powerful step), then take a step back and ask one question:

How is this label serving you?

Don’t ask whether it’s true. Asking a true/false question just prompts your brain to look for evidence that you’ve earned the label. Your brain can find evidence for all kinds of things, whether they’re really true or not.

When you ask “how is this label serving me” you’ll get answers like these I've heard from other wild + brave humans:

Self-Dismissive Label: “I’m not a people person.”

How did it serve you: “This label means I settle for more conflict and friction in my relationships than what I’d really like. It means when there is conflict, I don’t see myself capable of improving things, so I just compartmentalize or avoid. It also means I feel like I have less potential for success at work because I see the ‘people people’ as advancing more than I do. I don’t try quite so hard to get the opportunities because I assume I’m going to get passed over; so I don’t have to muster the guts to try.”

Self-Dismissive Label: “I’m bad with technology.” 

How did it serve you: “This makes me feel like I don’t have to try to keep up with all the new techniques my coworkers know with our company software; there’s always something changing or a new thing stuff can do and it seems so time consuming to keep up with it. I also get insecure when people ask me questions that I don’t know the answer to, so I use my not-techy excuse to opt out of being asked for help. This protects my time and reduces my anxiety.”

Self-Dismissive Label: “I’m not book smart.”

How did it serve you: “I usually follow up this statement with something about how I’m street smart, good with people, and have lots of real life experience. I think what this does is it lets me shrug it off if I mix up a fact, or use the wrong word, or maybe don’t know something that someone else does. I tell myself I’m a scrapper, and that’s good. But the thing I never let myself imagine becoming is a real expert, so I’m starting to wonder if this is really helping me or not.”

As someone who does extensive strengths and personality coaching, I want to encourage you to challenge your assumptions about what kind of person you are. Research shows that humans develop and change across the entire lifespan. We are not fully formed by our early childhood experiences or set in stone by biology.

Take a moment to look inside for clues about where you’ve assumed you won’t grow. Proving yourself wrong could unlock a whole new avenue and level of life that surprises and delights you.

Don't be sidelined by labels. Especially the ones you put on yourself.