Holiday Survival Toolkit Part 1 – Set Your Holiday Intention
Many of you look forward to the holidays and it’s one of our favorite times of the year. But let’s be honest - no matter how connected your family is, the holiday season brings with it increased tension and stress. There’s no getting around it: Holidays + Family = Stress!
The Problems:
- Unreasonable Expectations (usually our own): I know I’ve expected myself to be able to decorate the house and yard like Martha Stewart, plan memorable holiday parties, and buy the perfect gifts.
- Disrupted Schedules: We’re already busy. Now we have to decorate, entertain, shop, and attend gatherings we’d rather skip.
- Forced Togetherness: This is the time of year we get together with family members that we seldom see... either by choice or chance. There are always those relatives that never let you grow up. Even if you’re 30, you’ll always the kid that broke the window when you were 10, or the one who wrecked the family car. Relatives don’t mean to be insensitive, but somehow they still see you as a kid. And they ask personal questions like, “Why aren’t you married?” They give unwanted advice and they can generally get on your nerves.
The list could go on. There’s a reason that Hollywood makes a killing on movies about family holidays! The stressful things that happen are hilarious…if it’s someone else family, of course!
The Holiday Survival Toolkit
So we’re tackling the topic that is on everyone’s mind this time of year: how to survive the holidays without killing your family! But instead of just not killing your family, instead of just surviving, we want to help you thrive by building positive relationships this holiday season.
Over the next few weeks, we will be sharing with you the top scientific interventions that you can begin using immediately to help you and your family experience the holidays in a way that is meaningful to you and build positive relationships.
What The Toolkit Is NOT
This won’t be the typical stuff about not overeating, or taking a walk before yelling at your in laws, or how to stay on a budget when buying gifts. Those are good things and will help you survive, but we want you to go beyond surviving - we want you to thrive!
Positive Relationships
The reason we spend so much time talking about positive relationships is not just because it sounds good this time of year, or just because we like each other; positive relationships are one of the scientific pillars of well-being. Humans can’t thrive or be happy without positive relationships!
According to research, relationships are one of the most powerful influences on your health and longevity. Relationships impact our academic and career success, and are key influencers in building confidence and leadership skills! That’s a lot!
The First Tool: Setting Your Holiday Intention
So it’s time to introduce the first tool in our Holiday Survival Toolkit to help you build positive relationships. This first tool has been really important to creating positive relationships in our family. We began using it during the holidays, but we found that it was an important part of our everyday life. What is it? It’s the tool of intention.
Intention
So what is intention? It’s simply deciding ahead of time what it is you want to happen. It’s beginning with the end in mind.
You know that expression, “We see what we’re looking for?” Well, neuroscience shows that setting intentions is a primary way to train our brains to be on the lookout for opportunities we would normally miss. If we set our intention to focus on building positive relationships this holiday, our brains can help us achieve our goal.
Here’s How You Do It
So what’s the easiest way to do this? You could take just a few minutes this week and write down one experience you think would build positive relationships in your family this holiday season. Maybe it would be experiencing a deeper sense of spirituality, or connecting with your heritage, or having some quality time to reconnect. Or maybe it would be experiencing the joy of serving together in your community. Whatever you think it is, put it in writing so that you can become intentional about experiencing it this holiday season.
An important thing to note is that setting intentions isn't about making a to-do list. It is simply acknowledging what you want to create and then being open to new ways to achieve your intention.
Get The Whole Family Involved (and don’t forget the hot chocolate!)
And since you are building relationships, share your intentions with your family and ask them for their input.
Ask each member to spend some time deciding what one thing above all else they want to experience together during the holiday season. This is really important because when everyone understands the desires of the rest of the family, you will have a much better chance of creating a meaningful holiday for everyone.
Prepare to Be Surprised!
But be ready for some surprises. You may find out that some of the things you always do because you think everyone wants to, can be eliminated for some new experiences. And you’ll also pinpoint the things you do as a family that build meaningful relationships and shouldn’t be skipped. You may find that you can experience more - by doing less.
As a family, we set our intentions for the holiday season last week and let me tell you, there were a few surprises. We’ve taken several things off our list and replaced them with some new things!
Each family is different and the point is to create experiences that are meaningful to your unique family.
What Could Go Wrong Now?
So, once you have set your intention, nothing can possibly go wrong during the holidays, right? Everything will be smooth and you won’t be stressed… Yeah - that’s totally not how it works….sorry!
Setting your intentions sets you up for success, but what do you do when you start to feel stressed in the moment. When it all seems too much and you want to chuck it all and head out on the next flight to Bermuda?
Coaching Yourself Through the Holidays
Well, we are going to give you four questions that you can use to coach yourself through the holidays.
These questions are a really good reminder that intentions and traditions and activities need to serve us - we are allowed to reevaluate and make adjustments, especially if we are feeling stressed!
The 4 Coaching Questions:
So before launching on another automatic holiday ritual, or when you are feeling stressed, you could ask yourself these four questions:
- Why am I doing this?
- Who am I doing this for?
- Will this bring joy?
- Do I need to simplify, eliminate, or replace this activity in order to realize my intention for this holiday season?
Asking yourself these questions will move you from making emotional decisions to thinking decisions. Instead of just going through the motions or resenting all the things you “have to do” you can see your actions through the lens of your intentions.
Stayed Tuned for Science, Fun, And Some Craziness
Well, we hope you’ll join us in setting your holiday intention this holiday season to give your family the gift of positive relationships.
And we hope you’ll join us for all of the videos in this Holiday Survival toolkit - they’ll all be short, fun, and have scientifically proven things that you can practice in minutes each day to help you thrive this holiday season!
Until next week, we wish you all an intentionally happy holiday!