I’ve been hard to help lately. Has that ever happened to you?

You don’t mean to be a martyr and hog all the hard stuff. It’s not that you’re a perfectionist (maybe), or that you have energy to spare (who does).

Maybe it starts because you’re a helper. You’re not against receiving help so much as preoccupied with giving it.

Or maybe you’ve been taken advantage of in the past, or watched people who didn’t seem to deserve it drain the life out of people you care about.

Or maybe you just don’t want to need help; you like managing life on your own!

Maybe you’re like me, and a weird mix of habits, and hope, and trying to not be lazy made you start facing life like a solo sport. “I’m almost there” I’d tell myself. “If I can just do this a little better, work a bit faster, try harder somehow it’ll finally come together.”

I’m all for habits, hoping, and even trying harder. But in my growing posture of overwork, I forgot how essential it is to give and receive help. My life is filled with a menagerie of helpful friends, all with different perspectives and skills. I was becoming cut off from them as I stopped reaching out to receive the support, insights, and help they were ready to give.

It’s easy for all of us to fall into patterns of “I’ve got this” that are part bravery, part discipline, and (in my case) part ego of trying to handle everything alone.

What’s weird though is that instead of making me feel important, this workload that I was hoarding started to make me feel small. Like a machine churning out activities, chores, and projects.

Thankfully, since my life is filled with helpful, kind, and spicy friends. I’ve received loads of help and perspective this week. I feel something growing in the pit of my stomach…a warm glow of connection. A calm satisfaction that wherever I’m going, I don’t have to get there by myself. It’s been a wonderful week, full of challenges, yet warm with accomplishment and belonging.

I don’t have any fancy new articles to send you to this week, or any dramatic story to tell. But I felt like maybe, just maybe, you could use a reminder to let your own helpful, kind (and spicy) friends into your life. Let them be nosy, be brave enough to ask for a hand, and stay on guard to notice where you might be feeling pressed to do too many things “on your own.”

You deserve more than a self-made life, friend. And you don’t have to get there alone.

We all need community, and not just the fair weather kind.

May you have the strength to keep running,
the bravery to let others carry you,
and the wisdom to know when to do each.
May the glow of belonging
and the joy of accomplishment
keep growing in your life in new ways.

All my best,

~Coach Morgan

PS: I may not be able to help out with your laundry or give you the night off of cooking, but I’m here if you ever need a sounding board. When the time comes that I can be of help, I hope you’ll reach out. I’ll be listening.