I think it's because reflection is so valuable that we often fail to do it. In our desperate need for fresh insights, new motivation, and a sense of accomplishment, the reflection process looms larger than life. And if asking questions about our recent past begins to feel heavy, we delay doing it until we can "get it right."

Even for those of us who don't feel like perfectionists the rest of the time, when something becomes important, we can procrastinate toward the "perfect time."

But have you ever noticed how putting off something important makes it heavier?

Lighten the Load: Wild + Brave Reflection

What if this year, we didn't feel the need to do things perfectly? What if we weren't so busy scrambling to get a few more wins in this year that we took the time to consolidate wins we've already had?

When you do year-end reflection the Wild + Brave way, it leaves your lighter and more energized for the days to come. It does that by grounding you in reality, and letting you do business with things like irritations, disappointments, and anxieties... as well carving deeper grooves in your life for meaning, fulfillment, and a sense of accomplishment.

Take a look at the reflection questions below to see what a Wild + Brave approach to reflection is. December is a great time to do this looking back on the past year to martial fresh clarity for the new year. But feel free to save them for a quarterly reflection exercise. They work great for looking back over a 90 day stretch too.

Wild + Brave Year End Reflection Questions

Question 1: What was FORCED on me that I wouldn't have chosen?

Looking at the unwelcome intruders helps us metabolize things we were resistant to. Ask yourself "What did this undesirable reality cost me, and how did I respond to accommodate this unwelcome change in my life?" Spend a little time opening up to notice the unexpected changes. And then, with some bravery, ask yourself "In what way have I become stronger, or better, or has my life ben enriched because of this thing I would never have chosen?"

This is the primary reflection question I've been using to metabolize unpleasant changes in my life and I've been stunned. This is not the false application of a silver lining to the clouds of life. This is a rejection of self-pity in my life that has shifted my feelings of victimhood (which had been growing) toward a sense of a stronger and more valued self.

Having things forced on us will never become desirable. But continued resistance to that which we cannot control depletes our sense of self, our power to act, and our delight along the way. If we look deeply, the accommodations we are forced to make seem to produce some form of likewise unexpected value.

If we've been forced to live through the unplanned imposition, we may as well get all the goodness out of the unplanned value that's created right?

Question #2: What IRRITATED me this year?

This may not sound like a pleasant or positive direction for reflection, but bear with me. Irritation is a powerful source of information about yourself.

Though irritation can be caused by many things, it tends to be connected to some of our deeper insecurities, and more loftily held beliefs. It can reveal our genuine goals, and show us where our overt goals are being threatened by the actual goal underneath our behavior.

Lets use me for example. My reflection revealed that I find the noises people make in the library incredibly irritating. Maybe I deeply value having a place of communal peace. Maybe I think it's really important to give people room to be where they can explore ideas without being bombarded by sounds and interruptions.

Or maybe I'm insecure because I feel powerless to the sounds in my environment. (I won't go deep on my life with Hyperacusis right now, but most of you know sounds are a bit rough for me right now.)

But what is inside this insecurity? This irritation? For me it's a sense that my delusions over control in my environment are threatened. I have been trying to control things, afraid that sounds are hurting me. If I don't notice that, I could end up letting myself withdraw from insecure interactions with other humans. I could end up spending tons of money on noise-controlling technology so I can impose silence where people won't give it to me.

But irritation tells me to look deeper.

I'm irritated with the sounds of others because I want to insulate myself from sounds. That goal of insulating myself from sounds is possibly the most damaging goal I could have. Based on what my doctors say, being too isolated could cause my issues to become permanent. In my year-end reflection I am forced to do business with my unhealthy goal of silence and peace. I've been slacking on my sound therapy. And I know it.

I'm forced to recognize that if I want healing like I say I do, the noisy people at the library are part of helping me get there.

Before I did the reflection, I didn't realize I had major goal conflict. On the surface, my goal was to heal my hyperacusis as fast as possible. But in practice, my irritation revealed a goal of having as much quiet as possible.

I wonder what goal conflict your irritation might reveal if you look closely enough?

Question #3: What have I done for my BODY this year that has helped me in some way?

We're often quick to note what our goals for change are in the physical department. How much weight we need to lose, how much more exercise or meditation we really ought to be doing.

But sometimes we start doing good things for ourselves. What's something you've done this year that had a positive result for your body? Something that felt calming, or boosted your nutrition, or helped you to focus?

Even if you only did it once, or the handful of actions haven't amounted to a habit yet, notice the good thing. Spend a little time thinking about the part of your body or mind that the choice affected. How was the benefit felt? Did it free up emotional tension? Reduce physical strain? Boost restedness or vitality? Were there positive social implications or benefits to people you cared about?

Then think about what caused it to happen...what made it easy? Maybe you pushed hard to do the good thing. That's awesome. Think about what other elements of your life you moved around to free up bandwidth to push hard. There are things that made this possible, even beyond using your willpower. Try to notice them. Maybe you almost accidentally did this good thing. If it was easy, what made it easy?

If being better to your body and mind the months and year to come didn't have to be so hard, does the good you noticed give you ideas for the future?

Question #4: Where Am I Staying Committed to a Losing Course of Action

I love listening to Adam Grant talk about escalation of commitment. It's a fun term for something we all do. When we commit to something, make a decision, or set out for a goal we are spending our sense of self on that choice. Even when we make strong choices based on available information, time can change those strong choices into not-so-strong ones. As circumstances change, as our experience grows, and as new opportunities for our time and investment pop up, the value of previous strategies and choices can decline significantly.

You don't have to be an expert in cognitive biases to do this reflection though. Just ask yourself, where in my life am I expending massive energy and effort, without seeing significant progress or return?

Some things require massive input before any return comes. And some commitments should be kept for reasons other than the benefit to ourselves. But anything that comes up as an answer to the previous questions should be looked at honestly. You may have more than one thing that comes to mind; feel free to make a list. Then take them one at a time and ask:

• Who cares if I follow through on this? Is it me? Someone else?
• What did I hope I would gain from this? What was the value I was chasing?
• If it wouldn't be embarrassing to quit chasing this, would I stop? Could it be my ego that is making me keep trying to make this work?
• How relieved would I feel if this evaporated from my life tomorrow?
• If I didn't feel like I had to make this work, where else would I deploy my energy instead?

Because at the end of the day, there are immense rewards for being able to RE-think our decisions. Follow-through is important, and problem-solving is valuable. But we'll never get around to solving the right problem, or following through to reach the right goals if we keep investing our life into the wrong pursuits.

Let It Be Light

I hope  you use these year end reflection questions to help you take your wins with you into the new year, and profit from the pain and irritations of the past 12 months. Maybe you'll even find the bravery to stop doing things that are draining you, and double down on the things you're improving for your mind and body.

Stay tuned for a guided video you can follow along to do these questions with. If you want to receive it, just join our email list and it'll land in your inbox!

Get Some Help

If making the time and space to do this is hard for you, you're not alone. It's why many of our Wild + Brave friends like to purchase a pair of Reflect + Strategize Coaching Sessions this time of year. In the course of two sessions, a coach (like me) can walk you through some of these reflections (and others that are tailored to what's going on in your life), and help you strategize the next level of growth, success, and well being for your life (and your business).