Before the "almost category 5" hurricane Ian made a direct hit on my home town, I was learning a lot about how great thinkers have handled suffering and trouble. In my reading, coaching conversations, and coffee walks with friends in the park I had been chewing through the more existential side of suffering.

• Does suffering strengthen or destroy us?
• If we can find a positive byproduct from the suffering, does that mean we have found the "reason" or "purpose" for the suffering?
• Who is to blame for trouble, evil, and pain in the world?

If you're the scholarly type and want to read a concise and thorough evaluation of many of the most rational and cogent voices on the topic, you may want to check out Harold S. Kushner's book on Job called When Bad Things Happened to a Good Person.  But if you're really dealing with tough stuff right now, a survey of existential arguments may seem too academic.

In it I found a thread of understanding, a way of engaging the existential questions around suffering and evil in the world that I will need to unpack later. But today, as I've spent the last few weeks navigating the aftermath of the most deadly and devastating hurricane to hit my state since the 30's, I'm thinking about one particular attribute of suffering.

The prospect of getting to the other side.

As a coach, I know seasons of survival are largely outside our control...and they may be visible to the world around us, or hidden in our inner lives. They may affect only ourselves, or impact our entire community.

Some catastrophes are internally experienced and community-wide. Things like the loneliness epidemic, or economic strain. When this happens, seasons of survival seem to last longer. Trapped in our world, beset by a problem much bigger than ourselves, we can begin a season of "just getting through" that never seems to end.

But other catastrophes are so external and community-shaking that we aren't left alone to struggle with it.

Hurricanes are a good example of the difference we feel facing a huge problem with a strong sense of connection to others also trying to survive. It also activates one of the 3 Catalysts for Getting Through:

3 Catalysts for Getting Through Suffering

-- The Desire to Help Another

-- The Drive to See What You're Made Of

-- The Freedom of Limited Choice

Get Through by Helping Others

Helping others can infuse a survivor with strength and positive pride. Humans have a reservoir of energy that can be drawn on to help others that can't be accessed to help ourselves. Some people show this to an epic extent, seeming to have bottomless reserves when it comes to helping other people.

But if you're struggling through a mind-bending season of suffering right now, you might be surprised to find that shifting your focus to care about someone else's suffering and doing something intentional to try to alleviate it can genuinely help your own sense of being trapped in suffering begin to diminish. Like how sharing needles helps me get perspective on my physical pain, helping others who are experiencing the same pain you are can increase the benefits.

There is something that happens when we shift our focus to care for others, if we put our compassion boots onto do something for others. It increases our sense of agency, and gives our minds and hearts a break from the pain of our own self-concern. While it's critical to care for ourselves, sometimes in the times of greatest suffering there isn't anything to be done for us. An illness, estranged relationship, or financial loss can hurt us in ways that can't be "fixed." In order to gather our strength to respond to the suffering, sometimes we need a respite. Helping others in need, and seeing others' pain be eased can restore our strength so that we become ready then to face more of our own challenges.

Get Through to See What You're Made Of

As weird as it sounds to "challenge yourself" during a challenging time, this can actually help. One way to escape the misery of feeling like a victim of our circumstances is to redefine some part of your response as a way of showing who you are, seeing what you're made of, and doing something that actually blows your own mind. In the book of Growth Tactics I've been writing for the past year, "blowing your own mind" is actually one of the tactics.

At some point, none of us are very impressed with ourselves for doing what's expected. We're not jazzed to put in another day, flying under the radar. Survival tactics don't make us feel a sense of pride that we're being everything we can be. But sometimes, stretching ourselves comes with risks. Going to start training for a marathon? You could get injured. Volunteering to help in a crisis center? You could get sick. Trying for a big promotion, or asking for new responsibilities at work? You could find it's too much for you.

But when a time of tragedy or suffering moves in on you, you have less to lose. Facing insurmountable obstacles that life has brought you takes some of the decision out of the process. Here is your mountain. This happens to all of us, and when it does, one way to get to the other side of the difficult reality is to see the mountain as a chance to see how well we can climb.

I watched my mom do this during the storm. As an RN, Mom has clinical nursing education and experience. But her day-to-day job takes place in the spaces between care facilities, helping patients and families get where they need to go without falling between the cracks in the system. She hasn't worn a stethoscope to work in years. But during the aftermath of our most recent hurricane, she worked 24 hour clinical nursing shifts for days on end, trading off with other clinical staff to make sure everyone had the best support possible to get through the storm. I wasn't the only one impressed to see my mom climb that mountain; she got energy from pushing through the tough circumstances.

Get Through By Embracing Limited Choices

In normal circumstances, some of us are burdened by decision overload. We feel the strain of choosing between opportunities, trying to become all we can be, maximizing our potential. Perhaps these seem like fair weather problems, but it can be overwhelming to choose a course in the world of "anything is possible."

But when suffering enters your life, it has a way of whittling down choices.

You're not picking between learning to box and going for a hike anymore; now you know you have to work to get out of bed each day while you're getting through this illness. Or like me after the storm...I wasn't picking weather to bike to the beach to write with my toes in the sand or to jog to the library with a coffee; I had one seat in the shelter where I could get Wi-Fi to work.

Even with my sensory issues and the suffering it sometimes brings me, I found that my focus has narrowed. On days when I have a sonic migraine, there are kinds of work I can't do. So I do the ones that I can. The limiting of my choices tortured me; until I realized that they could offer a kind of freedom.

I think we all have stories of how we have become more than we thought possible in the face of trouble entering our lives.

Think about the times when you've made it through misery; have you used any of these catalysis to fuel you past the problems? Is there one you could use to help you survive the challenges you're facing today?